Wow I still care. I guess I’ve been waiting for all the feeling to leave my legs and that dissatisfying sinking sensation as they give way beneath me. And it’s is bad enough now I can’t imagine how it will have changed in a week. It’s hard not to get stuck in the now I suppose, lungs failing as you urgently inquire after an excuse to exist. I feel used up now I think more than anything. And maybe that’s just because it’s late and I’m falling but it’s worse because I know I should be happy.
And I’m back watching the people go by on my own but then I guess some things never change do they?
I can’t seem to let go of the way his lips tasted last night and how I never wanted it to end.
But then everything has to eventually, doesn’t it.
Breathing the remaining fragments of my heart into his warm mouth and I don’t think he even noticed.
I’m done throwing my own balance take me away from here, if I can’t have this I don’t know what I’ll do because I’ve done the only thing I said I wouldn’t and now I’m the one terrified of being left and lost and broken. When did I start to feel like this? Please don’t
I’m just scared that by the time this is over I’ll have nothing left to give anyone, I’m only 16 and I’m so tired of giving away pieces of myself that I’ll never see again. And I guess nobody wants to be empty, do they.
It hurts to be dependent on you but it hurts to be alone, so I guess all we’re still asking ourselves is which will end up worth it in the end?