Keep dreaming

I think we notice different things about people. Maybe the thing that drew me first was the endearing way he stumbled over his words but all she saw was his beautiful smile.  We love people for different reasons I guess and that’s kind of scary. Why try to change for people who are just going to throw you away? Sure it hurts but at this point there’s nowhere else to go but up so hang in there darling you’ll be alright.


At least once every day, 
it all comes crashing down. 
If that scares you, 
please don’t ever ask me 
to let you in. 
I’ve had enough people 
cutting me open 
and letting everything 
inside of me leak out
just so they could touch it. 
Just so they could leave
once they realised 
I wasn’t who 
they wanted me to be.

Wow I still care. I guess I’ve been waiting for all the feeling to leave my legs and that dissatisfying sinking sensation as they give way beneath me. And it’s is bad enough now I can’t imagine how it will have changed in a week. It’s hard not to get stuck in the now I suppose, lungs failing as you urgently inquire after an excuse to exist. I feel used up now I think more than anything. And maybe that’s just because it’s late and I’m falling but it’s worse because I know I should be happy.
And I’m back watching the people go by on my own but then I guess some things never change do they?
I can’t seem to let go of the way his lips tasted last night and how I never wanted it to end.
But then everything has to eventually, doesn’t it.

Breathing the remaining fragments of my heart into his warm mouth and I don’t think he even noticed.

I’m done throwing my own balance take me away from here, if I can’t have this I don’t know what I’ll do because I’ve done the only thing I said I wouldn’t and now I’m the one terrified of being left and lost and broken. When did I start to feel like this? Please don’t
I’m just scared that by the time this is over I’ll have nothing left to give anyone, I’m only 16 and I’m so tired of giving away pieces of myself that I’ll never see again. And I guess nobody wants to be empty, do they.
It hurts to be dependent on you but it hurts to be alone, so I guess all we’re still asking ourselves is which will end up worth it in the end?


It’s like I can feel myself burning. There’s an acidic burn right underneath my skin. An itching, a desperate crawling and creeping and I just want to tear open my flesh and rip it out. But you and I both know the way the guilt begins to puddle on the bathroom floor as we clean up the precious little mess we’ve made of ourselves: what have I become?

You drift along and the faces begin to blur and fade and shimmer because the streetlights are blinding and you can’t seem to get past the feeling that you’ve been here before. There’s a strangling sort of shame that wraps it’s cool hands around my burning throat and it hurts to breathe, but then some things never change.